Jumping Hoops

I'm in a fog...have been for quite a few days. Work is supposed to start at the end of the month and I'm feeling more than a little anxious about the upcoming school year. Husband and I are both planning to resume our employment at the same place, however; just to keep things "one hundred" (as my students would say), we did apply elsewhere.

I've said many times how my struggles with teaching do no typically occur while I'm actually teaching. Instead, it's the other stuff...and in this specific situation, it's the simple fact that my employer has on a hand-full of occasions been unable to pay us on time. Beyond feeling frustrated, not being paid is scary...especially when our total income comes from the same place. I want to feel secure in my place of employment. I don't want to be fearful that the school is going to shut down a few weeks in because we don't enough students enrolled. The principal, assistant principal, and a few teachers from last school year have already jumped ship for various reasons- primarily poor management in my opinion. So why haven't we? Good question.

At this moment, I'm down and I feel option-less. I feel like my MA in education isn't valuable. I feel like the degree is a black hole. It's as if the field of education, no matter how many degrees and certificates and credit hours and years of experience I have acquired, is actually working against me. It's as if I'm not suitable for anything that might place me outside of the classroom; as if the skills I use regularly are not comparable to other positions' requirements.

I wonder how many people are working in the exact field or career they went to school for? How many of you actually are? There are so many positions that require an ability to present information, to first research that information, to make the content accessible, to collaborate with all types of people, to think outside of archaic parameters in order to be more efficient, to plan around a specific timeline-this is what teachers do, this is what I do...these are things I'm good at. I'm organized, I don't waste time, and I work damn hard...but I can't seem to prove that I'm able to transfer these skills beyond what that stupid piece of fancy paper with its fancy writing says I'm capable of when looking for new jobs. I don't know how and it is completely disheartening.

And so, I'm kind of just bummed out...a little burned out. I don't mean to sound like a complainer or come across super negative...I've just been stuck in my head for a bit contemplating change and not understanding how. Plus, it really makes me sad that I even think about leaving education after all of my efforts to reach this point. It makes me sad that this is how I'm entering a brand new school year. I know that once our meetings start, I'll switch into gear. Don't worry, I won't take my insecurities out on my students. I'll meet them, and they will become my focus, and I will do whatever I can to assist in their success just like I have for the last nine years.


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