"I guess you haven't had kids yet."

Our principal provided lunch for staff yesterday...(pulled pork, mac n' cheese, baked beans and even some side brisket. It was pretty awesome). Husband said something like, "This is the best day of my life."

A woman we work with responded, "I guess you haven't had kids yet."

My response to this woman (in my mind) was something like, "You (sigh) are a fucking idiot."

Comments like this cause me to become irrationally irritated. They cause me to question what is wrong with people and replay conversations days after an exchange has been made, obviously.

I'm not even completely sure what I find most bothersome. I'm guessing she didn't really mean anything by it. Husband had made a quick, light-hearted comment and she responded just as jovially. The problem for me is- where is the actual humor in her response?

Part of me would have liked to have taken a poll asking everyone in the vicinity whether or not they understood husband's use of exaggeration as a means to express thanks for the meal provided. How it was a way to show simple kindness. Hyperbole, if you will.

Part of me felt the need to slowly, very slowly (so she could understand), detail out all of the ways my husband has experienced joy in his life up to and including this lunch. How my husband has had some pretty amazing experiences, proving to her that this wasn't actually "the best day" of his 29 years of life as a means to "explain" his comment that was meant to receive a laugh.

And part of me is a little offended, because no, we don't have children. But not having children doesn't make us incapable of experiencing pleasure in our day to day lives. Having children isn't for everyone. I'm 36 and while it is not impossible for me to physically birth a child at this point, there is a bit of an expiration date I like to consider.

Plus, I love my life with my husband and our two pups exactly the way it is right now. They're my family. I'm not completely dismissing the possibility of children in our future, but I also don't feel like my life is incomplete unless (or until) we decide to go that route.

I like how husband and I are able to spend our time. I like that we are planning a month long bike trip without hesitation. I like that earlier this week, I found out the Avett Brothers are playing for three nights in Vegas and simply picked up two, three day passes. I like that we can randomly decide how to spend our time without truly having to consider how it might ultimately effect a child's development. I'm a little selfish I suppose, but at least I'm aware. At least I'm not having kids simply because practically everyone I know has kids. At least I'm not creating a situation in which I resent my child because I wasn't quite ready to be a parent. I don't think this makes me a bad person.

Basically it comes down to this- I have never once questioned anyone's decision to have children. I understand that for many there is an innate drive to do so. It is natural to them. However, it is not like that for me at this time. I think common courtesy, having the decency to respect boundaries, should be equally extended in the direction of those who choose another way of life because that is what works best for them. I don't think it's okay for others to push their beliefs, no matter what they are, on anyone else.

And for me, that includes comments like, "I guess you haven't had kids yet", no matter how much the person smiles when they say it.


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