Showing posts from March, 2017

Growth and Change is All

Two nights ago I scrubbed my retainer with hydrogen peroxide. Earlier in the day I read that you can use it as a mouth rinse. Who knew? So I took care of my retainer, popped it in my mouth, and headed to bed. I mentioned it to my husband and he jokingly said something like, "I hope you didn't poison yourself."

I said "me too" and turned off my light. But sleep didn't come.

Instead, I spent the next few hours letting the thought that I may have inadvertently poisoned myself orchestrate a symphony of muscle tingling, rapid breathing, and chest tightening within my body. My mouth felt like this and my ability to swallow diminished. I was convinced.

Let me back up a bit. I didn't drink hydrogen peroxide. I merely scrubbed my retainer with it (which worked amazing by the way...basically brand new). And then after scrubbing, I rinsed and rinsed and rinsed (because I know who I am these days). I doubt I ingested any peroxide let alone enough to kill one of tho…

Round and Round I Go

My anxiety seems to exist in a cycle. Is that how it works?

I actually started this post one month ago with those exact words, and today I feel the same way. I don't think it's a coincidence.

My period and the lunar cycle both seem to influence how my body and mind react to my anxiety. I only know because I cross referenced my little mood tracker app with my reproductive health graph. I've since learned that menstrual cycles do influence anxiety, and while I haven't researched my moon theory yet...I'm fairly positive I'll find some connection when I do.

Having said that, I think I've reached a plateau with my progress. I've stalled or something.

I still don't feel like me and that is really, really hard to accept. I still feel I'm watching myself experience my life. I still consistently get caught up questioning the point of all of this...most especially my purpose. It's hard because I so badly want it all, all of these feeli…