Worth the wait?

It's been a while since my last post--a couple months maybe. I could check but that would mean I'd have to save this "post" and leave the page to find out and at the moment...that all seems like too much work and ultimately unnecessary .

I'm not sure what my problem is. I could say I've been busy with the start of the new school year. I could also say that my first nutrition class is monopolizing my time (in a good way). But really...neither of those activities have actually kept me from writing. I kind of just don't know what I'm doing and I'm majorly second guessing maintaining this little blog of mine.

Because really...what am I writing for?

Am I writing for me? If I am, I could simply continue journaling like I have since middle school. Done.

Am I writing to keep friends and family updated on my life? Yes, but Facebook pretty much does that for me.

Am I writing as a means to practice writing and establish my voice? Kind of, yes.

Am I writing as a means to influence or educate others about something relevant in our world? I would like to think so, but my most popular posts are about making pudding shots and while I actually have at least two more sets of shots in the works--holiday shots and shots for the "casual" drinker (lighter on the alcohol, heavy on the taste)--is that what I really want for my blog? Isn't it kind of a cop-out to keep making and sharing recipes knowing that by doing so I will have seriously crazy amounts of views for those pages? I just don't know.

Am I writing to express my opinions? Sure. But to what extent? Where is my focus? I just don't have one. I write review style posts on hikes and camping trips and kayak adventures. I write book reviews and post about wedding hooplah. I write about my views on education and local travel. I include short stories (both fiction and nonfiction) in here. My blog is just one big hodge podge of miscellaneous. I used to be okay with that, but I'm not sure I am anymore. I'm not sure it's enough.

I came across a blog that I really liked this morning. (Wait but why). I definitely enjoyed the writer's voice, the humor. Puttering around on his posts encouraged me to end my hiatus and simultaneously forced me to question my blog...to question why I haven't been writing.

I think my biggest fear is that I spend my time in here and since I'm immersed in it, I can't see how ridiculous and ultimately insignificant this expenditure of time really is. I worry that my friends are supportive simply because they are my friends and they are kind. Basically, I worry my little blogeroo is kind of a joke, but no one has the balls to tell me. I don't want to look back in ten years and realize that this all served no purpose for me. I don't want to have invested my time in something that lacks meaning even if it is just a hobby.

And so here I sit this morning contemplating my life pursuits, drinking coffee with a little shotsie of Rumchata. Leah is licking me and nudging my arms with her shnootz because I'm kind of upset at the uncertainty and that's what she does to make sure I know she's here for me.

Sometimes I wish there was a treasure map I could follow to guide me or some sort of schedule I could refer to ensuring I was right where I needed to be in life. But if there were, I'm sure I'd have difficulty simply following what was expected. It's obviously best that I figure it out for myself. It's just hard sometimes.


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